TRANSLATE

FWT Homepage Translator

Thursday, December 19, 2013

MY BRAND NEW JOKE ! ! !

***********************************************************
***********************************************************
Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

One of the inherent benefits of my room here on the Seventh Floor of the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi is the spectacular vista I have each morning as dawn breaks in the East.

But, unfortunately, I've found that it's impossible to repair a broken dawn!

Thank you.

1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 

***********************************************************
***********************************************************

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

MAMA

***********************************************************
***********************************************************
Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

I really do wish all you folks could be here to see what I see. 

It's a bright, clear, sun shiny day, and I have a great view of C-130 "Hercules" aircraft circling Keesler Air Force Base, and at night, you should SEE the spooky orange full moon eerily rising over Keesler Air Force Base!

When I was soldier in the United States Army, I spent quite a few hours flying back and forth in C-130 "Hercules" aircraft.

And as an avid rail fan (in England, they're called "train spotters"), I really love watching all these railroad freight trains constantly passing by, right below my balcony.

There's also track inspection vehicles, track maintenance vehicles, executive office trains, military trains, and even circus trains!

Looking out over the Gulf of Mexico, I enjoy seeing the ships on the horizon (the water is too shallow for them to come closer) and the abundance of shrimp boats, which do come close, almost to the beach.

Do any of you make homemade fudge at Christmas?

Yesterday, I bought some fudge at the Navy Exchange mini-market downstairs on the main floor here in our Armed Forces Retirement Home.

Have you noticed?

Genuine FUDGE has become increasingly rare and expensive.

When I was a boy, Mama always made fudge at Christmas.

She also baked Christmas cookies and made divinity candy.

You should have SEEN the Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas dinner she fixed!

I was thinking about Mama last night.

I never really appreciated what she did and what she went through.

After adopting me, Daddy and Mama had three (03) daughters who still live, and two (02) daughters who died at birth, or shortly after. 

When Daddy was away overseas in the Korean War, Mama and us kids lived with Grammaw and Grampaw in Owensboro, Commonwealth of Kentucky.

Then, when Daddy sent for us to join him in Japan, can you imagine what an ordeal that trip was for Mama, traveling alone, toting us kids along (with me being an adventurous and inquisitive boy!), riding on the train from Owensboro, Commonwealth of Kentucky to Chicago, Illinois, then taking the train to Seattle, Washington, and then sailing across the Pacific Ocean on a United States Navy transport, the USNS GENERAL M. M. PATRICK (T-AP-150)?

Mama kept a clean house, constantly scrubbing with Pine-Sol.

She had a sewing machine and made many of our clothes.

She was always washing and ironing our clothes, air drying everything on the clothesline in the back yard.

After church each Sunday, she always fixed us the biggest, fanciest dinner of the week, either roast chicken or roast beef.

She would buy home permanent wave kits at the store and give all of my sisters permanent waves.

I never understood any of that stuff, and still don't, but she spent a lot of time fixing my sisters' hair, over and over.

I remember an awful scare when we lived in Ashiya, on the island of Kyushu, in Japan.

I reckon I was probably playing out in the yard, when Mama called me inside.

She'd been painting the ceiling (?), and there she was, on the ladder, completely covered in green paint, with the paint bucket upside down.

She told me to go get Daddy, so I ran up the dirt road to the rear gate of Ashiya Air Force Base, and told the Air Policeman what had happened.

By the time Daddy, who was a master sergeant in the United States Army, and I got to the house, Mama miraculously had everything cleaned up, like nothing had happened at all.

When I'd get in trouble at school (which was pretty often! - - - and back in those days, teachers were allowed to paddle us), I'd come home and Mama would either scold me or spank me.

Then, when Daddy got home from work, I'd REALLY get it!

Mama really had her hands full, because me being a typical rambunctious boy, I was WAY more trouble than my sisters were!

When us kids got home from wherever we went, Mama was ALWAYS there.

In addition to everything else, Mama was a poetess, and the poem she wrote about me, "OUR SON JOHN", is framed and displayed on the wall above this desk.

When I grew up and got married, Mama made a special red, white, and blue quilt for me and Bonnie, with our names on it, celebrating the bicentennial of the United States of America.

Another time, either for a birthday or for Christmas, she made me a chess set, completely out of wood, with the chest folding out to be the chess board.

I had no idea she could do something like that!

She was from Alabama, valedictorian of her high school, and a nursing school student, until illness caused her to quit.

Because of my interest, she supplied me and my sisters with genealogical information about her ancestry.

When I was little, she told me her ancestors were Scotch Irish.

One of her ancestors, Uriah Hawkins, of Rhode Island, was in the Continental Army during the American Revolutionary War.

After America won its independence, Uriah Hawkins led a group of pioneers to settle in Michigan, where they had to fight the Indians.

Later generations of those pioneers would relocate to Alabama, where Mama was born, the daughter of a Methodist minister.

I don't know for certain, but I think some of those ancestors served in the Confederate Army.

She and Daddy always went with us kids to church every Sunday, attending services in the morning and at night, and to prayer meetings on Wednesday nights, plus we had family devotionals in our living room each evening.

Back in those days, men and boys always wore a suit and tie when attending church services, and women and girls always wore dresses, with hat and gloves.

In the Summer, us kids would go to Vacation Bible School.

I freely admit that, for the sake of survival, I'm now a confirmed, unapologetic racist bigot, but I wasn't brought up that way.

Mama told me never to call them "niggers", but instead, I should have pity on them and try to help them if I could.

She also told me never to use the word, "Yankee", because my Grampaw John, who lived in Lovington, Illinois, would slug me if he ever heard me say that word.

She enjoyed singing the traditional American Negro spiritual songs, and so did I, because as a boy, I didn't know they were Negro songs, and besides, growing up in a racially segregated community, back in those idyllic days, Negroes were not perceived as the imminent threat that they now have become.

Mama took piano lessons via a correspondence course, and as she learned each lesson, she'd then teach each of us kids - - - , well, sort of.

I enjoyed creating my own songs, and playing Rock 'n' Roll, but each time I played, the piano had to be retuned, and she couldn't afford it, so Mama told me to never touch the piano again.

Using the same technique, i.e., the correspondence courses, she also taught my sisters to play flutophone, autoharp, and violin, but she didn't even try to teach me.

Maybe I'd left home by that time?

Mama and Daddy (but ESPECIALLY Mama) made certain us kids were taught good ol' fashioned chivalry and common courtesy, such as saying, "Sir", "Ma'am", "Please", and "Thank you", and opening doors for ladies.

I never ever, not even once, saw Mama and Daddy argue or disagree with each other about anything.

I wonder how they did it?

Today, Mama and Daddy are buried side by side in Riverview Memorial Gardens in Spring Lake, North Carolina.

But, are kids today as lucky as I was?

After all, hardly ANY mothers stay home and raise their young'uns.

I reckon very few gals today know how to cook, bake, sew, do laundry, and keep house, nor could very many of them teach their offspring what they, themselves, never learned, i.e., the rules of good ol' fashioned chivalry and common courtesy.

Pretty much all of them have been programmed by their peers, the Hollywood media, and the government operated public schools to think that being a full time housewife and mother is dishonorable, and that women should be like men, and have careers.

Well, I reckon they all got what they wanted, huh?

I can see what they've done to my beloved United States Army.

Now, what's happened to their kids? 

Thank you.

1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 

***********************************************************
***********************************************************

EMBARRASSING BAD HABITS

***********************************************************
***********************************************************
Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

A guy just now knocked on my door and handed me a Christmas gift.

He said he could hear me groaning as I approached the door.

It's one of my bad habits stemming from years of loneliness. 

Since I'm always by myself, it doesn't matter if I holler when I'm in pain, because there's nobody to hear me. 

For much the same reason, because I'm always alone, it's perfectly all right if I constantly talk to myself, because there's no one around to hear. 

A couple of months ago, when I was hospitalized for severe blood poisoning, the staff was alarmed that I was hollering as they transferred me from the gurney to the bed.

But, there was no problem with what they were doing.

It's just that I was completely unaware that I was making all that noise.

I discovered several months ago that my cell phone's Blue Tooth headset has an unexpected advantage.

I was walking around inside the grocery store wearing the Blue Tooth, but had forgotten and left my cell phone in my truck.

So, there I was, constantly talking to myself.

But, it didn't matter, because with the Blue Tooth visible on my head, everyone thought I was engaged in a telephone conversation!

Anyway, if any of you all see me audibly moaning and groaning as I move around, don't be concerned.

It's just a careless habit acquired through years of living alone, with no reason to try and be silent.

Have you ever seen the Hollywood movies or read stories about the mountain men? 

That's sort of how they were.

When they finally got a chance to be around other human beings, they'd go wild, really let their hair down, unwind, and talk nonstop for days and days, around the clock. 

So, don't worry about me. 

I'm perfectly all right, and what I'm doing is perfectly normal - - - ,

That is, until they come and take me away, huh? 

Thank you.

1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 

***********************************************************
***********************************************************

Friday, December 13, 2013

"TRAGEDY"

***********************************************************
***********************************************************
Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

For the best effect, please be sure to enjoy watching, in "FULL SCREEN" mode, my homemade amateur video recording of ME (!), performing, "TRAGEDY", while accompanying myself by strumming simple chords on my Yamaha G-130A classical guitar, created on Wednesday 15 September 2010, when I was living in Washington, D.C. at the Ol' Soldiers' Home.


________________________________
________________________________

"TRAGEDY"

Composed By:
GERALD H. NELSON and FRED B. BURCH

Recorded By:
The FLEETWOODS

Wind and storm,
Gone's the sun
From the stars.
My dark has come.
You've gone from me.
Oh, oh,
Tragedy!

Oh, come back!
Hold me, Dear!
Keep me near.
Be sincere.
You've gone from me.
Oh, oh,
Tragedy!

Like smoke from a fire,
Our love,
Oh, oh!
Our dreams have all gone
Above.
Oh, oh!
Blown by the wind,
Kissed by the snow,
All that's left
Is the dark below.

You've gone from me.
Oh, oh, tragedy!
Oh, oh, tragedy!
________________________________
________________________________

Thank you.

1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 

***********************************************************
***********************************************************

Thursday, December 12, 2013

HAVE A HEARTY LAUGH ! ! !

***********************************************************
***********************************************************
Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

When I saw this photograph posted by C. W. SWANSON at the DAILY TIME WASTER web site, I immediately erupted into a loud, spontaneous guffaw!

Please click on the photograph
to see a slightly larger view.
As C. W. Swanson wrote,

"We must resist in ways big and small."

Ain't it neat?

Thank you.

1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 

***********************************************************
***********************************************************

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

HILARIOUS PUBLIC EMBARRASSMENT ! ! !

***********************************************************
***********************************************************
Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

For the best effect, please be sure to enjoy watching, in "FULL SCREEN" mode, this slide show of photographs taken of the Obamas in South Africa during the memorial service for Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela - Madiba.



That is Helle Thorning-Schmidt, the prime ministress of the Kingdom of Denmark whom President Obama is being a bit overly friendly with, resulting in Michele Obama placing herself between Barack and Helle.

Thank you.

1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 

***********************************************************
***********************************************************

Sunday, December 08, 2013

MOVIE CRITIQUE: "THE CHRISTMAS STAR"

***********************************************************
***********************************************************
Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Earlier this evening, while snacking on Christmas goodies from The Swiss Colony, I watched the Walt Disney movie, "THE CHRISTMAS STAR".


What a PERFECT family Christmas movie!

Even your pets will enjoy either watching the show, or watching YOU watch the show!

The 1986 production of, "THE CHRISTMAS STAR", stars Ed Asner as an escaped convict, Fred Gwynne as the cop in a relentless pursuit, and Rene Auberjonois as the mean landlord.

I enthusiastically give this movie my highest recommendation, and urge you to do as I did, and order your own copy of, "THE CHRISTMAS STAR", on DVD, from either the WALT DISNEY or the AMAZON web sites.

So, gather 'round your young'uns, pop some corn, send out for some pizza, grill some hot dogs, pour some frosty mugs of ice cold root beer, snuggle up on the big comfy couch, dim the lights, and - - - ,

"ROLL 'EM ! ! !"

Pass the popcorn, please.

Thank you.

1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 

***********************************************************
***********************************************************

Saturday, December 07, 2013

TELEPHONE NUMBER 202-621-5429

***********************************************************
***********************************************************
____________________________

UPDATE: The telephone number, "202-621-5429", is a telemarketing scam attempting to solicit personal information and a monetary payment from the individual being called.
____________________________

Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Do any of y'all recognize this telephone number?

202-621-5429

Whoever it is, calls my number, and when I answer, they immediately hang up, without ever saying a word.

Also, every day, I receive numerous Arabic language e-mails, and occasionally receive Cyrillic language comments at my web site. 

Because of my widely publicized unpopular and controversial views, plus the fact that I refuse to conceal my identity or location, I'm a wee bit concerned that an Islamic fatwa might have been issued.

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee 
1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 

***********************************************************
***********************************************************