Happy Valentine's Day

To Whom It May Concern:

Happy Valentine's Day to you, my own, my only true love.

You are the only gal I'll ever adore, and I'll always be true to you and only you.

Did you see the news on television tonight?

I really meant to send you flowers and chocolates, honest I did.

But the news said no flowers or chocolates could be delivered because of the Winter storms.

But I really intended to send you flowers and chocolates, lots of them, really.

I meant to come visit, really I did.

But the news on television reported that the Winter storms caused all airline flights to be grounded, so you can understand my disappointment in not being able to see you tonight.

But, don't worry.

I'm thinking of only you, and I'll always be true to only you.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the Winter storms and the television news, I really would have come calling, bringing you lots of flowers and chocolates.

I really did plan to telephone you, but I don't want to use up the minutes on my cell phone, and besides, we really need to keep the lines clear for emergencies in this weather, don't you think?

But remember, you'll always be my only true love forever, and there'll never be anyone else.

In the meantime, because of this Winter storm, I reckon it's my civic duty to share my warm apartment tonight with the all-girl Rock 'n' Roll band that's passing through town.

After all, they're far from home in a strange city on a cold and lonely night, and I really should help them out, shouldn't I?

But I'll always be true to you, and you're the only gal I'll ever love.

Affectionately yours forever,

War Crimes INMATE # 6-4305
United States Military Asylum
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400