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Wednesday, July 13, 2011


Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Here's how to have some FUN AT YOUR LOCAL WINN-DIXIE - - - ,

or your local Wal-Mart, or K-Mart, or the Post Exchange, or the Navy Exchange, or wherever.

If it's the middle of July (which it is right now, as this message is being composed), notify the store clerks that they've run out of fruit cake, egg nog, and candy canes.

After all, the Twenty-Fifth is only a week or two from now, isn't it?

When someone politely greets you by asking, "How're you doing, today?", you might respond with, "Just terrible! Couldn't be worse!", and enjoy seeing their reaction ! ! !

Unfortunately, I've already pulled that one so many times, that folks who know me now expect it, so the fun's gone out of the joke.

When paying for your purchases, remind the cashier to please not forget to give you your S&H Green Stamps.

Although younger store clerks will be a bit confused, the older folks might be rather amused.

If there's no customers standing in line behind you, you can briefly explain to the youngsters about how life in America USED to be, a long, long time ago, in another World, one we'll probably never see replicated.

Don't forget to wish everybody a "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" as you're leaving the store (unless it's actually during the Christmas season).

Do you remember when gas stations gave away sets of dishes?

Do you remember those gas stations?

There was no such thing as self-service.

You did NOT pump your own gas.

The attendants wore uniforms, washed your windshield, checked your oil, radiator, and tires, all while filling up your gas tank.

When you paid for your gas, you got change back!

The local grocery store gave away sets of silverware, or volumes of Funk and Wagnalls encyclopaedias.

When I was a kid, I got toys from the boxes of cereal that Mama bought at the Post Commissary at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, including plastic motorboats, cars, trucks, and medals.

Mama would get free dishtowels or washcloths inside her boxes of detergent.

Sigh - - - , 

It's just another auld lang syne!

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee 
1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 


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