NO WONDER I'M SO FAT ! ! !

************************************* ************************************* ********* WARNING ! ! ! ********* This dangerously illegal and immoral subversive underground resistance message is being surreptitiously monitored by the Beaming Internet Government Broadband Radio Oscillation Telecommunications Hearing Electronic Reconnaissance (i.e., B.I.G. B.R.O.T.H.E.R.) as part of a coordinated official clandestine domestic surveillance investigation, in cooperation with the National Administration of Zealous Interrogation (i.e., N.A.Z.I.) and the Commission On Message Monitoring Investigative Electronics (i.e., C.O.M.M.I.E.). Serious felony criminal charges are pending, with extreme penalties yet to be determined! **************************** Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space: I just now returned from our mess hall. Eschewing the healthy balanced diet featured on our regular menu, I went through the short order line and got a bacon cheeseburger, topped with lettuce and tomato, with a side order of French fried potatoes, apple pie ala mode for dessert, and two glasses of ice cold Coca-Cola. In addition to that, our mess hall had a very special treat for today - - - FRESH PEACHES!!! I saw the gal who runs our mess hall (I don't know her name - - - and rarely see her) and asked her when they were going to start serving "SOYLENT GREEN". I thought I'd have a bit of fun, because I was certain she was too young to get the joke, but I was surprised to find she actually knew what I was talking about! But, seriously, I suspect a portion of our medical clinic here at the Armed Forces Retirement Home is set aside as a processing plant for manufacturing "SOYLENT GREEN". After all, down on the main floor, there is an area for "Resident Storage", where we can safely keep our extra belongings in cages secured by padlocks. Well, right next door to the "Resident Storage" room is a room designated as - - - "DECEASED STORAGE"!!! I ain't never been inside that room, but I'm rather certain it must be chock FULL of all sorts of dead people - - - probably putrifying and in various stages of decay, huh? I enjoyed my meal sitting at a table out on the terrace, basking in the warm sunshine, as I gazed out to sea, hoping to see some ships (alas, there were none to be seen). But I did get a kick out of seeing the official United States Navy international maritime signal flags fluttering from the ship's mast flagpole in front of the Armed Forces Retirement Home, for they spelled out, "T.G.I.F." Nifty, huh? No, I didn't get to see the giant space satellite falling to Earth. Shucky darn! Then, I checked my mailbox and went to our Navy Exchange mini-mart to spend my last wrinkled crinkled dollar bill buying a large Hershey chocolate bar. Finally, I'm back in my room, just in time to step outside on my balcony and watch a nice eastbound CSX mixed manifest freight train go rumbling by. Boy, oh boy, oh boy, have I ever got it good! Why, I think I might even feel a wee bit sorry for folks who ain't me. Thank you. John Robert Mallernee Offical Bard of Clan Henderson Armed Forces Retirement Home Gulfport, Mississippi  39507 NOTE: "My unpopular and controversial personal opinions do not represent my Scottish clan." ************************************* *************************************