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Wednesday, March 21, 2012



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Serious felony criminal charges are pending, with extreme penalties yet to be determined!


Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Yesterday morning, I had an appointment at the VA Gulf Coast Veterans Health Care System in Biloxi, Mississippi.

The good news is that I lost five (05) pounds, I am not diabetic, and I don't have colon cancer.

The bad news is I could drop dead at any moment from either a heart attack or a stroke.

My bad cholesterol is over three times whatever the upper limit is, and my good cholesterol is less than half what is required.

I'm totally exhausted, and I'm not sure if I'm in pain because I'm exhausted, or if I'm exhausted because I'm in pain.

That's why I rarely go anywhere or do anything.

Or maybe, it's because I've got a severe addiction to the Internet?

I'm on this computer night and day!

There appears to be a vascular problem in my legs, probably due to clogged arteries, which is why I stagger and almost fall each time I stand up.

They think the fiery, burning pain I'm feeling in my left arm, left shoulder, left shoulder blade, and the left side of my neck is probably due to a pinched nerve in my spine.

I'm supposed to quit eating my normal noon meal of double bacon cheeseburgers, French fried potatoes, three cups of vanilla ice cream, and two glasses of ice cold Coca-Cola.

Actually, I prefer Pepsi-Cola, but our mess hall only serves Coca-Cola.

I should also stop eating fried chicken and biscuits and gravy.

No more snacking on almonds or pecans.

Fruit drinks are bad.

V-8 vegetable juice is bad.

Snacking on animal crackers is okay.

I need to force myself to leave this computer and go swimming and/or ride around the grounds of the Armed Forces Retirement Home on a tricycle.

I can ride a bicycle, but I choose the tricycle because it has a basket where I can carry my shillelagh.

The bicycle doesn't have anyplace for me to store my shillelagh.

They also want me to eat three (03) meals a day.

I have a lot of trouble with my medication.

There's so many different pills for me to take, all of them with different instructions, that I just go as long as I can without taking anything (because I don't want to be addicted), and then, when I finally do take them, I'll take them all at once, ingesting usually three or four times the prescribed dose.

I just got through watching an old episode of "GEORGE BURNS AND GRACIE ALLEN".

I can hear the sound, but I can only understand part of what is being said.

"Buy Carnation Evaporated Milk, the milk from contented cows."

At the VA Gulf Coast Veterans Health Care System, I tried cracking jokes with the staff about "Soylent Green" and "liver, with fava beans and a nice Chianti", but they were too young to know what I was talking about.

I have the same problem here at the Armed Forces Retirement Home.

I'm old and they're young, so sometimes, they don't know what I'm talking about when I make a joke.

And, as you know, when you have to explain a joke, then that just kills it.

But, I've been plotting what I'm going to do for April Fool's Day.

I've got some sneaky ideas.

What about you?

Are you working on some devious designs?

One week from today, a group of us from the Armed Forces Retirement Home are going on a guided tour of New Orleans, Louisiana.

On Saturday 31 March 2012, a whole bunch of us are getting on buses to take us to Mobile, Alabama for a Gulf Coast Vietnam Veterans Salute.

Hmmmm - - - ,

Maybe I'll go there wearing my Clan Henderson kilt?

After all, there's nothing more military than the traditional regalia of an ancient Highland clan!

On Wednesday 04 April 2012, I'm scheduled to go over to Tower "D", where the Assisted Living section of the Armed Forces Retirement Home is, and sing for the folks there, but I've forgotten what time I'm supposed to be there.

I reckon (I hope) somebody will remind me!

On Saturday 07 April 2012, the Highlands and Islands will celebrate National Tartan Day here at the Armed Forces Retirement Home.

On Saturday 02 June 2012, buses from the Armed Forces Retirement Home will take us to Pascagoula, Mississippi to attend the formal commissioning of the USS MISSISSIPPI (SSN-782), where we'll have reserved seating.

I hope I make it to those events.

A lot of times, I sign up to participate in these outings, but when the time comes, I'm just too exhausted, and/or won't leave the comfort of my room.

Lately, it's really warm here, so I think I might start spending nights sitting on the beach with my guitar.

But, the next few days will be rainy and stormy, so it might be another week or two before I take my guitar to the beach.

The inclement weather also means I'll have to delay setting my camera and tripod up on my balcony, where I'll be recording some of the choo choo trains that pass by.

I bought a folding chair, and I've got an extra folding TV tray table that I'll be using on the balcony while I sit and listen for any distant sounds of approaching trains.

It's really neat having my very own full-scale model railroad set right here outside my balcony door!

Well, my back is bothering me, so - - - ,

Shall I take my medicine, or shall I take the pain?

Whatever - - - .

"Xin loi."

Thank you.
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Gulfport, Mississippi  39507

NOTE:  "My unpopular and controversial personal opinions do not represent my Scottish clan."


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