I WON A CONTEST ! ! !

************************************************* *************************************************  *************** WARNING ! ! ! ***************  This dangerously illegal and highly immoral subversive underground resistance message is being surreptitiously monitored by the Beaming Internet Government Broadband Radio Oscillation Telecommunications Hearing Electronics Reconnaissance (i.e., "B.I.G. B.R.O.T.H.E.R.") as part of a coordinated clandestine domestic surveillance investigation, in cooperation with the National Administration of Zealous Interrogation (i.e., "N.A.Z.I.") and the Commission on Message Monitoring Investigative Electronics (i.e., "C.O.M.M.I.E."). Serious felony criminal charges are pending, with extreme penalties yet to be determined!  ************************************************* Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space: I've been thinking (something which, for me, is ALWAYS dangerous!), and wondering about how I could win the title of Mr. America, or Mr. Universe, or some other similar fancy title? Well, I don't reckon I've got much chance at doing that. So, what I'll do is create my own contest, with my own title, and then I'll win it. Hmmmmm - - - , What kind of pseudo-quasi-realistic sounding title can I come up with which hasn't already been claimed by some obscure organization that few naive souls have ever heard tell of? Aha! I've got it! I'll be "MISTER INTERGALACTIC FELONY FUGITIVE" ! ! ! Who's going to DARE compete against me in that category? There might be a bunch of international felony fugitives hiding from INTERPOL out there somewhere, but I don't reckon they'll want to advertise themselves. So, there goes my competition. I qualify as a genuine, authentic, bona fide international fugitive by virtue of having served as a soldier of the United States Army in the old Republic of Viet Nam. In 1967, Lord Bertrand Russell convened an International People's Tribunal in Stockholm, Sweden, which tried and convicted, in absentia, ALL American military personnel who served in the old Republic of Viet Nam of being war criminals. Ain't that neat? The long arm of the law has yet to capture me and impose sentence. Aaaaand - - - , Since, admittedly, I am a convicted felon and a fugitive from justice, PLEEEEASE don't tell anyone I'm living at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi! Oh, by the way, since I only just now thunk up this idea, that there means that, for the time being, there ain't no rules, there ain't no standards, and there ain't no one in charge of this here intergalactic contest (except me). So, for the time being, I'm claiming the intergalactic title of "MISTER INTERGALACTIC FELONY FUGITIVE". It was a tough job trying to decide who the winner was, for in the final competition, me, myself, and I were all pretty evenly matched, but when all was said and done, I won. All three (03) contestants, me, myself, and I, are to be congratulated for their heroic efforts. Now, for the next step, I must somehow fix me up a fancy belt, with a fancy buckle, and a fancy trophy to prominently display on the shelf of my trophy room here in my palatial mansion located in a very exclusive neighborhood frequented by the wealthy, privileged elite of high society. Don't you wish you was me, and could think up stuff like this? Aha! I gave you an idea, didn't I? Thank you. John Robert Mallernee Armed Forces Retirement Home  1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311  Gulfport, Mississippi  39507  ************************************************* *************************************************