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Sunday, June 09, 2013


Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

I just invented a brand new goody, which I claim exclusive rights to, and so, if'n you DARE to infringe on my patent pending copyright and USE it, then you're going to have to pay me a substantial royalty, so I can get filthy stinkin' rich overnight, and degenerate into a genuine elitist snob.

Here's my step by step instructions for making this fantastic goody that I invented all by myself:

(Ain't I a genius? Heh! Heh!)

First, get a bowl.

Then, get two (02) giant HERSHEY'S SPECIAL DARK chocolate candy bars.

Break up the dark chocolate candy bars into small pieces, and put them in the bowl.

Nuke the dark chocolate candy in the microwave oven for two (02) or three (03) minutes.

Open a can of cherry pie filling.

Spoon the cherry pie filling on top of the heated dark chocolate candy.

Stir the mixture together.

Nuke the mixture in the microwave oven for another two (02) or three (03) minutes.

Get a spray can of whipped cream.

Smother the top of the mixture of dark chocolate and cherry pie filling with the whipped cream, and REALLY pile that whipped cream up way HIGH!

Then, you can eat it for dessert while watching your favorite DVD.

In this particular instance, I reheated a few days old DOMINO'S small pepperoni and sliced Italian sausage pizza for my main course, lubricated with my "CLAN HENDERSON" large pewter tankard full of ice cubes and BARQ'S root beer.

As time goes by, you'll notice the whipped cream stops being fluffy and piled high, as it actually seems to diminish with a sort of melting?

Anyway, as you're chowing down on your dessert, just stir the residue of the whipped cream into the mixture of cherry pie filling and dark chocolate candy.

Mmmmmmmm, BOY, but that's plumb larrupin'!

Paramedics and an ambulance are standing by, with a cardiologist and a heart, liver, and kidney transplant team on call.

The movie I chose to watch, was a DVD of the 1959 motion picture production, "THE MOUSE THAT ROARED", which I ordered from the AMAZON web site several weeks ago when the Democratic People's Republic of Korea was threatening to launch nuclear missiles at some place in Texas - - - , or some such place or other.

Thus, the incident made me think of the movie, which is why I bought it, and I only just now got around to watching it.

It is HILARIOUS ! ! !

If, like me, it's been a number of years since you saw this movie, then, by all means, get yourself a copy and have yourself a howling hoot!

Being a typical "lonely guy" (as I'm sure STEVE MARTIN would describe me), I especially enjoyed watching actress, Jean Seberg, and marvelling, as I always do, at the vast, unfathomable differences between male and female.

Oooh, MAN, but I could fall in love with her!

Ah, but then, I have always automatically fallen in love with every female of the species that I ever saw, so what else is news?

Over the years, I have dated and been rejected by numerous sensible females, and was married for nine (09) years, before being completely destroyed by my divorce, a very personal disaster that I was never able to recover from, but the heartbreak of which, inspired me to compose some really great songs, which I sing with the true emotions of my own private torture.

Bonnie is my "dearly departed". 

Oh, she ain't dead - - - ,

She's just departed - - - , run off and married another guy. 

And what really rips my innards all to pieces, making it almost impossible for me to continue facing each new day, is the knowledge that, although our divorce admittedly was my fault, the appointed leaders of my chosen faith, The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints, enabled and supported her in that choice.

I just can't figure out the baffling enigma of why the female of the species is so - - - DIFFERENT?

They look different.

They act different.

They talk different.

They think different - - - , that is, IF a female of the species is even capable of - - - thinking?

Well, actually, all the gals I've dated have always been smarter than me. 

That's why they always had the good sense to marry somebody else, huh?

Everything they do and say is different.

They ain't nothing like us guys at all!



Well, the French have a very famous saying for it:

"Vive le difference!"

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee 
Armed Forces Retirement Home 
1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 
Gulfport, Mississippi  39507


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