PROBLEM SOLVED - - - SCIENTIFICALLY ! ! !

***********************************************************
***********************************************************
Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

As mentioned in a previous e-mail message, one of my favorite things to eat is a peanut butter and honey sandwich.

But, I always have to step out on my balcony to eat it, because the honey invariably drips from the side(s) of the sandwich.

Well, last night, I finally figured out what it was that I was doing incorrectly, and how to solve the problem.

Since the solution is based on scientific principles which I eventually figured out, I reckon that makes me a scientific genius, huh?

I remember way back, mucho many years ago, when I was a young'un growing up in Spring Lake, North Carolina, before Santa Claus gave me a Gilbert Chemistry Set for Christmas, doing an original scientific chemistry experiment on the kitchen stove, i.e., mixing peanut butter with a can of Campbell's Tomato Soup.

That experiment was unsuccessful, as it was more or less inedible. 

And, by the way, that Gilbert Chemistry Set turned out to be a bit of a disappointment, as I never was able to fulfill my boyish mad scientist dreams of creating explosion(s), concocting deadly poison(s), and/or cold bloodedly killing any innocent living creature(s).

The best I could do was stink up the house with burning sulfur, so I did as much of that as I could, until I ran out of sulfur.

Anyway, what I was doing wrong when making my peanut butter and honey sandwiches was slathering on a thick coating of peanut butter on BOTH slices of bread, and then putting honey in between.

Well, bread is porous, while peanut butter is nonporous.

Thus, peanut butter will NOT absorb the honey, causing it to leak out from the side(s) of the sandwich, getting the carpet and furniture all sticky, and attracting a small army of marching ants, along with their uncles and assorted cousins, all of whom will express their antly gratitude by stinging and/or biting the unscientific hand that so carelessly feeds them.

So, now I make my peanut butter and honey sandwich(es) by putting the peanut butter on only one slice of bread, leaving the other slice of bread, which is porous, able to absorb the honey, thus keeping it from dripping on the carpet, which of course, the ants find disappointing.

Them there ants are just going to have to look elsewhere for their free handouts, because I'm hogging ALL the honey for myself!

Nifty, huh? 

So, folks, go make yourself a nice, delicious peanut butter and honey sandwich. 

But, if you want to enjoy that sandwich while sitting on your living room sofa and watching television, then be sure to remember to put the peanut butter ONLY on one slice of bread.

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee 

Armed Forces Retirement Home 

1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 

Gulfport, Mississippi  39507

***********************************************************
***********************************************************