FWT Homepage Translator

Monday, November 10, 2008

Mysterious Gift?

Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Some time back, I wrote to a bunch of folks (I think - - - or maybe it was just a few folks?) informing them I'd just ordered a three-foot fiber optic Christmas tree from the Haband web site.

I received that Christmas tree early last week, and today, I received ANOTHER one!

But, this time, the address label was different.

Instead of:

"John Robert Mallernee
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400"

which is my correct address, and the one I use to order everything, this most recent package was addressed to:

"J. Mallernee
3700 N Capitol St NW
Washington, D.C. 20011"

Please note the differences.

In all of my communications, I always use my full name, and not just the initial of my first name.

I never ever use the street address, "3700 North Capitol Street, Northwest", because that gate is now closed to traffic, and has been for a long time.

It's been many years since the United States Soldiers' and Airmen's Home (i.e., "U.S.S.A.H.") officially changed its name to Armed Forces Retirement Home - Washington.

As for myself, I always refer to this place as "Armed Forces Retirement Home", since the name "Armed Forces Retirement Home - Washington" seems foolishly redundant and tediously lengthy.

For some odd unfathomable reason, the administration here at the Ol' Soldiers' Home (the historically traditional name for this institution) continues to insist that our official address is "3700 North Capitol Street, Northwest", which is incorrect and misleading.

The actual street address is, "200 Upshur Street, Northwest", or so I've been told.

The zip code, "20011", strangely enough, is correct, although incomplete.

The original zip code was "20317", but after the anthrax attacks on the Post Office here in Washington, D.C., our zip code was changed to "20011-8400", in order to avoid having our mail destroyed by the routine intensive radiation being employed to counter the anthrax threat.

I checked my account at the Haband web site, and sure enough, only one (01) Christmas tree was ordered, and only one (01) Christmas tree was sent.

Also, my credit union checking account indicates the correct payment having been made for that Internet order.

Thus, in light of all this, I'm concluding that someone out there apparently misunderstood my previous e-mail and sent me a gift.

I never asked for a Christmas tree.

I only stated I had ordered one.

So, "Thank you very much!" to whoever generously ordered this Christmas tree for me.

I have no idea who you might be.

But, that's why I'm not returning the package to Haband, because I suspect it is a legitimate gift, due to the various clues I've detailed.

Since I have my own fiber optic Christmas tree, I reckon I'll donate this extra one to somebody here at the Soldiers' Home, maybe to a bedridden patient down at the King Health Center, or in the Assisted Living Program.

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee, KB3KWS
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

NOTE: "My unpopular and controversial personal opinions are independent of my Scottish clan."

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