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Saturday, September 01, 2012



********* WARNING ! ! ! *********

This dangerously illegal and immoral subversive underground resistance message is being surreptitiously monitored by the Beaming Internet Government Broadband Radio Oscillation Telecommunications Hearing Electronic Reconnaissance (i.e., B.I.G. B.R.O.T.H.E.R.) as part of a coordinated official clandestine domestic surveillance investigation, in cooperation with the National Administration of Zealous Interrogation (i.e., N.A.Z.I.) and the Commission On Message Monitoring Investigative Electronics (i.e., C.O.M.M.I.E.).

Serious felony criminal charges are pending, with extreme penalties yet to be determined!


Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

So, what name are you planning to give to your new baby?

What baby?

Why, the one you're giving birth to on Monday 03 September 2012.

You know - - - , LABOR DAY ! ! !

As Hurricane Isaac was approaching the beach, the warden and his  administrative staff at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi made preparations.

Each of the inmates was issued an old military surplus "Mae West" inflatable life jacket, and antique life buoys recovered from the RMS TITANIC were placed on the balcony of each inmate's cell. 

All of the wheelchairs and gurneys were fitted with flotation devices, and the condemned were dressed in wet suits and issued kayak paddles and snorkels.

Inflatable life rafts were neatly stacked just inside the main entry of the Armed Forces Retirement Home, while lifeboats were readied all along the edges of the top of the building.

Promptly at midnight, an air raid klaxon began blaring, and an official announcement over the public address system quietly ordered everyone to panic.

The rains fell, winds howled, and oceans roared, which embarrassed the rain, but no matter how much the rain tried to get to its feet, the rain still fell, and each time the rain fell, the winds howled with glee, as the oceans roared with laughter.

Lightning flashed and thunder clapped.

Yes, that wicked and seductive old girl, Lightning, completely without modesty, just kept on coyly flashing, and Thunder, being a typical guy, clapped with appreciation.

As the ocean waves roiled all around, our Armed Forces Retirement Home soon became an island, with schools of great white (Racist!) sharks circling the building.

The water rose higher and higher, eventually reaching the fourteenth floor of this eight story building. 

So, here I sit, in a United States Navy two man inflatable raft, all by myself, hungry, thirsty, constipated, addlepated, psychotic, and neurotic, with no electricity, no television, and no Internet access for my computer.

However shall I communicate with all of you folks out there in cyberspace?

Until this hurricane passes and the waters recede, I reckon I'll subsist on fish and seagulls.

A little while ago, I caught a pelican who had caught a fish, so I feloniously feasted on feathery fish and scaly fowl.

In the meantime, it has begun to snow quite heavily, as the midnight sun melts away the gloom of our midday moon, clearly visible in the clouds concealing our starlit day.

As I gaze out upon the distant horizon, I can just barely see the blazing BB guns of Caribbean pirates engaged in a terrific sea battle with submarines of the Santa Monica Boulevard Navy.

Oh, well, I reckon it's time for my medicine, and then I'll grab some Zzzzzzzs.

Or, do you suppose I already took too much medicine?

Thank you.

John Robert "SAIGON" Mallernee
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
NOTE:  "My unpopular and/or controversial personal opinions do not represent my Scottish clan."


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