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Thursday, November 23, 2006

An Alternative View of Creation?

Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

I just found this item in the "JOKES" section of "THE BLOOD IS STRONG" web site, which was posted by "Elspeth", a Texas lass.

Enjoy!

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NEVER HEARD CREATION EXPLAINED THIS WAY BEFORE !!!

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth, and planted the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, yea, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Kreme Donuts.


And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!", and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."


And they gained ten pounds.

And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.


And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them.

And Woman went from Size Six to Size Fourteen.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."


And Satan presented Thousand Island Dressing, buttery croutons, and garlic toast on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."


And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken fried steak so big, it needed its own platter.

And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it,"Angel Food Cake", and said, "It is good."

Satan then created chocolate cake and named it, "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes, so that His children might lose those extra pounds.


And Satan gave cable television with a remote control, so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.


And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fried them.

And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef, so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.


Satan then created the double cheeseburger, and said, "You want fries with that?"

And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!"

And Satan said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created the HMO.


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Yuk, yuk, yuk, and hardee har har !!!

Thank you.

John Robert "SAIGON" Mallernee, KB3KWS
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

NOTE: "My unpopular and controversial personal opinions are independent of my Scottish clan."

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

From An Irish Paratrooper

Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Here's a bit o' humor for your holiday:

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"IRISH PARATROOPER'S TURKEY RECIPE"

01 - Go buy a turkey.

02 - Take a drink of Scotch whiskey.

("LAPHROIAG", "LAGAVULIN", or "CAOL ILA")

03 - Put turkey in the oven.

04 - Take another two drinks of whiskey.

05 - Set the degree at three hundred seventy-five ovens.

06 - Take three more whiskeys of drink.

07 - Turn oven the on.

08 - Take four whisks of drinky.

09 - Turk the bastey.

10 - Whiskey another bottle of get.

11 - Stick a turkey in the thermometer.

12 - Glass yourself a pour of whiskey.

13 - Bake the whiskey for four hours.

14 - Take the oven out of the turkey.

15 - Take the oven out of the turkey.

16 - Floor the turkey up off of the pick.

17 - Turk the carvey.

18 - Get yourself another scottle of botch.

19 - Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.

20 - Bless the saying, pass, and eat out.


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No, I'm not the author.

I found those items on other people's blogs.

Thank you.

War Crimes INMATE # 6-4305
United States Military Asylum
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400


RockwellFreedom.jpg

THANKSGIVING GREETINGS!

Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Here is some information I found on the Internet about the origin of our Thanksgiving Day.

I'm also including some cartoons from "THE AMBOY TIMES" blog.

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"THE 1621 THANKSGIVING"

The tradition of the Pilgrims' first Thanksgiving is steeped in myth and legend.

Few people realize that the Pilgrims did not celebrate Thanksgiving the next year, or any year thereafter, though some of their descendants later made a "Forefather's Day" that usually occurred on 21 or 22 December.

Several Presidents, including George Washington, made one-time Thanksgiving holidays.

In 1827, Mrs. Sarah Josepha Hale began lobbying several Presidents for the instatement of Thanksgiving as a national holiday, but her lobbying was unsuccessful until 1863 when President Abraham Lincoln finally made it a national holiday.

Today, our Thanksgiving is the fourth Thursday of November.

This was set by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt in 1939 (approved by Congress in 1941), who changed it from President Abraham Lincoln's designation as the last Thursday in November (which could occasionally end up being the fifth Thursday, and hence too close to Christmas for businesses).

But the Pilgrims' first Thanksgiving began at some unknown date between 21 September and 09 November, most likely in very early October.

The date of Thanksgiving was probably set by President Lincoln to somewhat correlate with the anchoring of the MAYFLOWER at Cape Cod, Massachusetts, which occurred on 21 November 1620 (by our modern Gregorian calendar - - - it was 11 November to the Pilgrims, who used the Julian calendar).

There are only two contemporary accounts of the 1621 Thanksgiving:

First is Edward Winslow's account, which he wrote in a letter dated 12 December 1621.

The complete letter was first published in 1622.

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"Our corn [i.e. wheat] did prove well, and God be praised, we had a good increase of Indian corn, and our barley indifferent good, but our peas not worth the gathering, for we feared they were too late sown.

They came up very well, and blossomed, but the sun parched them in the blossom.

Our harvest being gotten in, our governor sent four men on fowling, that so we might after a special manner rejoice together after we had gathered the fruit of our labors.

They four in one day killed as much fowl as, with a little help beside, served the company almost a week.

At which time, amongst other recreations, we exercised our arms, many of the Indians coming amongst us, and among the rest their greatest king Massasoit, with some ninety men, whom for three days we entertained and feasted, and they went out and killed five deer, which they brought to the plantation and bestowed on our governor, and upon the captain and others.

And although it be not always so plentiful as it was at this time with us, yet by the goodness of God, we are so far from want that we often wish you partakers of our plenty."

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The second description was written about twenty years after the fact by William Bradford in his "HISTORY OF PLYMOUTH PLANTATION".

Bradford's HISTORY was rediscovered in 1854 after having been taken by British looters during the Revolutionary War.

Its discovery prompted a greater American interest in the history of the Pilgrims.

It is also in this account that the Thanksgiving turkey tradition is founded.

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"They began now to gather in the small harvest they had, and to fit up their houses and dwellings against winter, being all well recovered in health and strength and had all things in good plenty.

For as some were thus employed in affairs abroad, others were exercising in fishing, about cod and bass and other fish, of which they took good store, of which every family had their portion.

All the summer, there was no want; and now began to come in store of fowl, as winter approached, of which this place did abound when they came first (but afterward decreased by degrees).

And besides waterfowl there was great store of wild turkeys, of which they took many, besides venison, et cetera.

Besides they had about a peck of meal a week to a person, or now since harvest, Indian corn to that proportion.

Which made many afterwards write so largely of their plenty here to their friends in England, which were not feigned but true reports."

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The primary sources above only list a few items that were on the Thanksgiving "menu", namely five deer, a large number of turkeys and waterfowl, cod, and bass; plus the harvest, which consisted of wheat, corn, barley, and perhaps a few peas.

To that list, we can add a few additional things that are known to have been native to the area and eaten by the Pilgrims:

Clams, mussels, lobster, eel, ground nuts, acorns, walnuts, chestnuts, squashes, and beans.

Fruits and berries such as strawberries, raspberries, grapes, and gooseberries were available growing wild.

Pilgrim gardens may have included a number of English vegetables and herbs, perhaps things like onions, leeks, sorrel, yarrow, lettuce, carrots, radishes, currants, liverwort, watercress, and others.

It is unlikely much in the way of supplies brought on the MAYFLOWER survived, such as Holland Cheese, olive oil, butter, salt pork, sugar, spices, lemons, beer, aqua-vitae, or bacon.

It appears the Pilgrims may have had some chickens with them, so likely had access to a limited number of eggs.

No mention of swine is found in any account of the first year.

They did not have any goats or cattle: the first of those arrived on the ship, ANNE, in 1623.

The old "Popcorn Myth" would have us believe the Indians introduced the Pilgrims to popcorn at this Thanksgiving.

But, the Indian corn they grew was of the Northern Flint variety, which does not pop well.

It was parched to make a simple snack, and the Indians sometimes ground it up and mixed it with strawberries for a cake-like desert.

Potatoes and sweet potatoes had not yet been introduced to New England.

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NOTE: All of the above information is copyrighted

1994 - 2006 to Caleb Johnson.

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My own most precious memory of Thanksgiving Day occurred in 1971, when I was a soldier in Viet Nam.

Enroute to R&R in Sydney, Australia, I commented on my anticipation of Thanksgiving dinner.

Another soldier pointed out that Thanksgiving Day was only an AMERICAN holiday, not observed in Australia.

But, the Latter-day Saint couple, whose home I stayed in, arranged for me to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner at the home of an American family living in Australia, along with two American full-time Latter-day Saint missionaries.

Because of that, I now solemnly regard our Thanksgiving Day as both a patriotic and religious observance, and it is an appropriate occasion for military veterans to wear their decorations.

By the way, have you ever tried to list ALL of your blessings, including those you take for granted?

I've tried it over and over, and it is impossible to remember them all, because God has so richly blessed even the poorest among us.

You try praying to God and thanking Him for each and every one of your blessings.

You'll see what I mean - - - it can't be done - - - you already have too many blessings to be listed.

May our God continue to bless us and these United States of America.

Thank you.


John Robert "SAIGON" Mallernee, KB3KWS
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

NOTE: "My unpopular and controversial personal opinions are independent of my Scottish clan."

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

"RETIREMENT HOME SITE TEMPTS DEVELOPERS"

Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

A fellow resident here at the Old Soldiers' Home just sent me this report from the "
WASHINGTON POST" newspaper:

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"
RETIREMENT HOME SITE TEMPTS DEVELOPERS"


By: DANA HEDGPETH
Washington Post Staff Writer


Monday 20 November 2006

It's a two hundred seventy-two acre property on high ground in the middle of the District.

The owners want to develop part of it and developers, real estate brokers, architects, and contractors are just about salivating to get their hands on it.

It's the Armed Forces Retirement Home, a United States government facility once known as the Old Soldiers Home, and the government is looking for a developer to turn seventy-seven acres of its grassy campus along Irving and North Capitol streets Northwest into a mixed-use development.

Last week, about a hundred real estate professionals came to hear an official from the home describe what they were looking for.

"We want a place that has a locally owned coffee shop, a drugstore, or a boutique grocery store like a Whole Foods or a Trader Joe's," Timothy C. Cox, chief operating officer of the home, told the crowd.

"Maybe a ladies' boutique or a shoe shop on the ground floor with residential and office space on the second floor.

We don't want a big box like a K-Mart or Target."

This summer the government narrowed its list from twelve development teams that applied to redevelop the seventy-seven acres to three:

Crescent Resources LLC of Charlotte, JBG Cos. of Chevy Chase, and Clark Realty Capital LLC of Bethesda.

Their competing plans have not been made public.

Retirement home officials expect to choose one by early next year.

The winner will have to go through planning and zoning approvals, and construction would probably start in Two Thousand Eight.

The property is home to one thousand three hundred veterans.

Officials at the home said there's an opportunity for them to increase its revenue if they lease part of the grounds to a developer.

"You're three miles from the United States Capitol, with easy road access and spectacular views," Cox said.

"We've been closed off with a fence around us, but we don't want that.

Our land is our greatest asset so we want to create an independent revenue stream by leasing it, so we benefit from continued ownership."

The home, funded by fees and a trust fund, wants to use the rental income to pay for such improvements as a new roof, renovations, and an expanded area for veterans with Alzheimer's disease.

It currently leases buildings on the property to a charter school, offices of the Smithsonian Institution, and the Army Corps of Engineers.

Cox said the Special Olympics and Ronald McDonald House have expressed interest in leasing space in the new development.

David W. Jacobs of JBG said the property presents an opportunity to develop what some call a hole in the middle of the city.

"Where else do you see seventy-seven acres so close in?" Jacobs said.

"It's an amazing, special place and developing part of it is a unique opportunity.

It's got views, great location, and a serene pastoral feel."

Donna Fitzgerald Shuler, co-president of Answer Title of the District, said she wants to see small- and disadvantaged-business owners involved in the project's development.

"We want to be a part of this," she said.

"The city is changing and finding new land is unique.

The District of Columbia doesn't have a lot of undeveloped spots.

It's very important to utilize it correctly."

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As you can see, our situation here at the Old Soldiers' Home is getting worse and worse.

The news report is rife with deliberately false and misleading "feel good" propaganda.

As usual, nobody bothered to ask the old soldiers how WE feel about it!

Considering how dangerous it is to live in Washington, D.C., I certainly do want this Soldiers' Home to remain "closed off with a fence around us."

I also want all outside agencies, except the United States Army, off these grounds.

I want our security officers armed, trained, and certified.

I want the management here to obey their own rules, and start doing complete criminal background investigations on everybody, including all new admissions, and all employees.

I want somebody to come inspect our water, plumbing, ventilation, and the air we're breathing inside these buildings.

I want somebody asking WHY physically incapacitated people continue to be housed in buildings not designed to accommodate them, which also endangers the rest of us?

It's also time to start doing the unthinkable and unmentionable - - - , i.e., start acknowledging the vast racial differences that exist between black and white, and put a screeching halt to the racial double standards constantly forced on us, with all the "political correctness" perpetuated by die-hard Marxists.

It's the reason Washington, D.C. is such a dangerous city to live in, work in, or visit.

The very fact that this overly-sensitive subject is not permitted to be openly addressed or honestly discussed is an indication of the deterioration of traditional American values in our society.

We are being betrayed by the people in charge, and I think they should be fired, criminally prosecuted, and sued.

The management of the Soldiers' Home continues to ignore all protestations from the residents.

It's as if we didn't even exist.

Thank you.


John Robert "SAIGON" Mallernee, KB3KWS
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

NOTE: "My unpopular and controversial personal opinions are independent of my Scottish clan."

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Hallelujah! It Works!!!

Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

My web cam works!!!

I just now completed a face to face visit with a fellow war veteran currently residing in the Pacific Northwest.

We both served in the Phu Lam Signal Battalion, stationed in Saigon.

The web site URL is:

http://phulam.com/

At first, there was difficulty with my desktop microphone picking up feedback from my television's stereo speakers, and my web cam wasn't broadcasting.

But, he talked me through it, and eventually, everything worked the way it should.

We used the SKYPE program to communicate, which indeed, does work just like a telephone, and gives excellent video quality.

The URL for that program is:

http://www.skype.com/

I still haven't used my YAHOO! or MSN Instant Messenger programs to communicate with my web cam, so I'm not sure how they'll work.

It takes two to tango, and so far, there ain't no one but me.

Yep, it sure is just like being in each other's living room, because you can see everything, and you just talk back and forth the way you normally would - - - with NO typing.

Nifty, huh?

In e-mails, a couple of folks have expressed reservations about costs.

But web cams are CHEAP, and the Internet is FREE, so why not?

So, one of these days, give me a holler, and I'll sing you some of my songs - - - LIVE and in PERSON.

I really do need to find out if this will work out okay, i.e., me strumming my guitar and singing while using the web cam in an Instant Messenger program.

I still don't know.

So, just use your YAHOO!, MSN, or SKYPE Instant Messenger program, and look for "writesong" (that's ME, folks).

Ain't this stuff neat?

Now, we're cooking with gas!

Thank you.

John Robert "SAIGON" Mallernee, KB3KWS
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

NOTE: "My unpopular and controversial personal opinions are independent of my Scottish clan."