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Monday, November 30, 2009


Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Here are photographs of the plumbing in my assigned quarters, Room 4305 in the Sheridan Building at the Armed Forces Retirement Home (i.e., the "Old Soldiers' Home") in Washington, D.C., which I took at approximately 0245 Hours on Saint Andrew's Day, Monday 30 November 2009, using my Kodak Easy Share Z710 digital zoom camera.

For a larger view, please click on the pictures, and/or click on the magnifying glass icon located on the toolbar of the Internet Explorer 8 web browser.

Yesterday, my Brita water filter, which was mounted on the faucet of my sink, malfunctioned, as water began coming simultaneously through both the filtered tap and the regular tap.

Just days before this, I had discovered a black tarry substance accumulated on the water tap, most of which I removed with my fingers.

I tried and tried to fix it, but to no avail.

When I went into the cabinet underneath the sink, I discovered everything was wet.

I ran the tap water, and discovered that the drain was severely leaking directly into the cabinet.

Obviously, our drinking water is contaminated with an unknown corrosive which destroys plumbing.

There is discoloration and leakage in my sink, toilet, and shower.

Since this was a holiday weekend, I followed procedure and called the desk sergeant on duty at the Security and Investigations Division (i.e., "S.I.D.", our Home's police force), and after repeated telephone calls and many hours, a maintenance man did come to my room.

However, he stated that he was not a plumber, and could not repair my sink.

When I expressed concerns over the safety of ingesting the water, he stated that nobody he knew drinks this water.

Hopefully, the plumber should be coming today to my room to repair or replace the fixtures, with the exception of the Brita water filter, which I purchased from our Post Exchange (i.e., the "PX".) here at the Old Soldiers' Home.

The administrative management at the Armed Forces Retirement Home should take immediate action to remedy this situation, to include the following steps:

01: Emergency warning notices should be prominently posted in all buildings and facilities at the Armed Forces Retirement Home, accompanied by similar announcements on Television Channel 99, in our Weekly Bulletin, and in the COMMUNICATOR newspaper, stating that the water is contaminated and unsafe to drink.

02: Every water tap in the Armed Forces Retirement Home, to include every sink in each resident's quarters, must have installed, at the Home's expense, a Brita water filter.

03: The Armed Forces Retirement Home, at their expense, should immediately begin distributing cases of bottled drinking water to each resident's room.

04: All plumbing in every resident's quarters at the Armed Forces Retirement Home must be immediately checked for contamination, and repaired or replaced where necessary.

05: If this contamination, with its accompanying destruction of plumbing fixtures is not detected anywhere else in the Armed Forces Retirement Home, other than in Room 4305 in the Sheridan Building, then a criminal investigation should be initiated, using an outside independent law enforcement agency, to determine if an attempted homicide has been, or is currently being, perpetrated in Room 4305 of the Sheridan Building at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Washington, D.C.

06: If a criminal investigation by an independent law enforcement agency does determine that, indeed, there is evidence of probable attempted homicide, then the Armed Forces Retirement Home, at their expense, should immediately relocate me and all of my material possessions to an undisclosed location of my choice.

Futhermore, I hereby publicly appeal to any news media and/or attorneys-at-law for assistance in investigating and resolving this issue satisfactorily.

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

NOTE: "My unpopular and controversial personal opinions are independent of my Scottish clan."


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

looks like you need a lesson in good housekeeping.