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Friday, January 01, 2016


Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

I just now received this e-mail from an old friend in Salt Lake City, Utah.


Before reading this, I strongly suggest that you put down whatever liquid it is that you may be drinking!

Also, you may want to find a nice soft spot to roll around on.


During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus Christ as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store. 


A Sunday School teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.

She asked the class,

"If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence,

"I think I'd throw up." 


A Sunday School teacher asked,

"Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny.

"How could he, with just two worms?" 


A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in our Holy Bible, i.e., the Twenty-Third Psalm.

She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Ricky was excited about the task, but he just couldn't remember the Psalm.

After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite the Twenty-Third Psalm in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.

When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,

"The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know." 


The preacher's five-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.

One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages,

"I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked. 


A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy,

"So your mother says your prayers for you each night? 

That's very commendable.

What does she say?"

The little boy replied,

"Thank God he's in bed!" 


When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).

For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say,

"And all girls."

This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.

My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her,

"Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?"

Her response,

"Because everybody always finishes their prayers by saying 'All Men'!" 


Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house.

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.

When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother.

"I don't need to," the boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted.

"We always say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house." Johnny explained.

"But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook."


A pastor was teaching a children's Sunday School class and asked if anyone knew what the Resurrection was.

A little girl replied,

"I know that if you have a resurrection lasting more than four hours, you need to go to the emergency room."

Hardee, Har Har ! ! !
Heh! Heh! Heh!

Yuk! Yuk! Yuk!

Oh, by the way, I don't forward e-mails.

If I should happen to see something that I think is worth sharing with others, I copy it, edit it, and paste it into a brand new blank e-mail, and when sending it, I conceal everyone's e-mail address, in order to protect the privacy of each recipient.

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee, Esquire
Ashley Valley Shadows
Vernal, Utah  84078

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