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Thursday, November 23, 2006

An Alternative View of Creation?

Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

I just found this item in the "JOKES" section of "THE BLOOD IS STRONG" web site, which was posted by "Elspeth", a Texas lass.




In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth, and planted the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, yea, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Kreme Donuts.

And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!", and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles."

And they gained ten pounds.

And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them.

And Woman went from Size Six to Size Fourteen.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand Island Dressing, buttery croutons, and garlic toast on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken fried steak so big, it needed its own platter.

And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it,"Angel Food Cake", and said, "It is good."

Satan then created chocolate cake and named it, "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes, so that His children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable television with a remote control, so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fried them.

And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef, so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

Satan then created the double cheeseburger, and said, "You want fries with that?"

And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!"

And Satan said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created the HMO.


Yuk, yuk, yuk, and hardee har har !!!

Thank you.

John Robert "SAIGON" Mallernee, KB3KWS
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

NOTE: "My unpopular and controversial personal opinions are independent of my Scottish clan."

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