YEARS AGO - - -

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Years ago, I used to be an actor on the stage in local community theatre plays.

But, can you believe it?

As the paddy wagon was hauling me away, the cops said I was "a bad actor"!

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GUESS WHAT I JUST NOW SAW?

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Boy, oh boy, oh boy, but guess what I just saw, several minutes ago, before my computer totally froze up, preventing me from IMMEDIATELY creating this post?

Golly, gee whillikers, but I sure wish I'd had my camera and tripod set up on my balcony.

I watched a northbound mixed manifest freight train being pulled by two (02) CSX diesel locomotives, from New Orleans, Louisiana to Mobile, Alabama.

Nothing much unusual about that, huh?

Well, the lead locomotive was - - - good ol' engine NUMBER ONE ! ! !

Ain't that something?

For a larger view,
please click on the photograph.

Now, I don't know anything about how railroad locomotives are numbered, but seeing a "1" painted on the side of the cab HAS to be something especially rare, don't you reckon?

Anyway, I'd better get myself cleaned up and dressed, so I can grab my teeth and keep my appointment with our dentist here at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi.

Those front teeth broke off about a week ago, and the dentist thinks he might be able to do something, such as building a "Maryland bridge".

For the best effect, please watch this brief instructional video in "FULL SCREEN" mode.



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A DESPERATELY URGENT TIME SENSITIVE APPEAL ! ! !

******************************** ******************************** Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space: It's almost NEW YEAR'S EVE ! ! ! I just now had a BRILLIANTLY psychotic idea! In anticipation of Christmas, I spent several months growing these whiskers, so I could look like Santa Claus. Don't you reckon it would be a downright dirty shame if I didn't get at least one more really good use out of it before I trim it? Well, next Monday night is NEW YEAR'S EVE, and as you might have guessed, there'll be a DANCE in the Community Center Room here at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi, from 1930 Hours until 2330 Hours. So, here's my desperately urgent, time sensitive appeal to you (and/or whoever). I need a baby, a genuine kicking, squalling, naked, hooman bean baby. I'm thinking I could put on my big ol' bathrobe, which reaches clear to the floor, and at some point, unannounced, hobble painfully into the dance, repeatedly glancing at the open pocket watch I'd be holding in one hand, while using my other hand to hold my great big wooden walking stick (which Highlanders call a "cromach") for support. Naturally, that's not appropriate attire for the dance, so everybody would be hootin' and hollerin' and demanding I leave - - - IMMEDIATELY! Well, along about that time, here would come proud Mama (whoever she might be) showing off that alternately frightened and/or curious newborn hooman bean. Why, I reckon the crowd would figure that out, and just go plumb wild, don't you? Also, it being New Year's Eve, I desperately need a large glass ball (or some other equally dangerously heavy and easily smashable object) to drop from my seventh floor balcony, where I plan to watch the distant fireworks being set off along the beach by the casinos in Biloxi. So, do you have a BABY lying around, handy? Can you e-mail the messy, bawling critter, or maybe have it delivered by parachute from a passing United States Air Force C-130 "Hercules" aircraft? We've got to have it here pretty darn quick. We'll only need the wee bairn for just a very few minutes of utter pandemonium and holy terror. Afterwards, the thoroughly traumatized hooman bean offspring can be discarded - - - or whatever. There's plenty of nearby bayous with bunches of loose alligators. Thank you, and - - - , NOLLAIG CHRIDHEIL AGUS BLIADHNA MHATH UR ! ! !  (Pronounced, "Nol-leek Kree-yell ah-gus Blee-ah-nah Vah Oor", that is Scottish Gaelic, literally meaning, "Christmas Hearty and Year Good New!")   John Robert Mallernee Armed Forces Retirement Home  1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311  Gulfport, Mississippi  39507  ******************************** ********************************

I BECOME SANTA CLAUS ! ! !

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Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space: 

At the urging of Russell Henderson, who is the editor of "AN CANACH", the quarterly newsletter of Scotland's ancient and honorable Clan MacEanruig, I decided to put on my Santa Claus garb long enough to take a photograph. 

For a much larger view,
please click on the photograph.

I used my KODAK "EASY SHARE" Z710 zoom lens digital camera, which has a resolution of 7.1 megapixels, mounted on my MX-2000 tripod.

I actually took two (02) photographs, but for some reason, the second one was dark and blurry, so I discarded it.

If you've ever priced a traditional Santa Claus costume, then you know they're VERY expensive, and often shoddily made.

So, since I exist from month to month on a very meager disability retirement pension, it was quite impractical to purchase a regular Santa Claus outfit.

Instead, I used the Internet to purchase red sweat pants and a really huge red hoodie.

I already had a Santa Claus cap, a nice pair of black suede leather moccasin boots, plus a nice Scottish military belt that I normally wear with my kilt, to attach my sword and dirk.

All I had to do was put it all together, hang the jingle bells from my belt, grab the great walking stick (Highlanders call it a "cromach"), and voila, I am SANTA CLAUS, with REAL whiskers!!!

Boy, oh boy, oh boy, but even without any snow on the ground, I had a WONDERFUL Christmas!

I sure hope you did, too.

You should have seen the bodacious FEAST they gave us in our mess hall today!

Wow!

By the way, even though I've waited all my life to be able to play Santa Claus, I doubt I'll be able to do it for very long, if at all.

You see, I'm hurting REAL bad, and can hardly stand or walk.

The local VA Medical Center has been running some tests, and this coming Friday, when I go in for more X-rays, they're going to measure me for a wheelchair.

I always thought all wheelchairs were the same size.

Anyway, Santa Claus doesn't sit in a wheelchair, and as far as I know, neither does a Highlander clad in a kilt.

So, I reckon I won't ever get to participate in any Scottish or Celtic festivities, either.

I don't know why, but the doctor says I will ALWAYS be in pain, and nothing stronger than what I'm already taking can be prescribed.

Oh, before I forget, I just checked the statistics at my own personal web site, "OUR ETERNAL STRUGGLE", and as of this date, over one hundred and thirty thousand folks from all around the globe have looked at MY web site!

Can you BELIEVE that?

Wow!

A mere one hundred and thirty thousand ain't very much compared to other folks' web sites, but I still think it's pretty astounding, since I ain't famous, never amounted to much, and don't really know a whole lot about anything.

Thus, I'm feeling rather flattered - - - and honored.

So, thank you, and - - - , 

MERRY CHRISTMAS ! ! !

John Robert Mallernee
Armed Forces Retirement Home 
1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 
Gulfport, Mississippi  39507

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WHAT DOES CHRISTMAS MEAN TO YOU?

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For the best effect, please watch this video in "FULL SCREEN" mode, and then click on the Internet link to visit the "MORMON CHRISTMAS" web site.



"God bless us, everyone!"

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CHRISTMAS IN MY ROOM

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Welcome to a video tour of my personal quarters, Room C737, at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi.

For the best effect, please be sure and enjoy watching this homemade amateur video recording in "FULL SCREEN" mode.



I recorded this homemade amateur video at approximately 1600 Hours on Sunday 25 November 2012, using my hand held Kodak "Easy Share" Z710 zoom lens digital camera, in "VIDEO" mode, with a resolution of 7.1 megapixels.

Here is a slide show of ALL of my photographs of the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi, which for the best effect, I encourage you to watch in "FULL SCREEN" mode.



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MY CHRISTMAS CAROLS

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Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

For the best effect, please be sure and enjoy watching, in "FULL SCREEN" mode, this automated video series of ME (!) performing some of my favorite Christmas carols, as I accompany myself by strumming simple chords on my Yamaha G-130A classical guitar.



For your sing-along pleasure, here are the lyrics to "NOLLAIG CHRIDHEIL", the Scottish Christmas carol which I composed.
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"NOLLAIG CHRIDHEIL"

Words and Music by:
JOHN ROBERT MALLERNEE 

Thursday 05 November 2004
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C.  20011-8400 

VERSE # 1:
Nollaig Chridheil!
Christmas bells are ringing.
Scotland's wee ones
Run merrily at play.
Nollaig Chridheil!
Everybody's singing,
For Iosa Criosd
Was born on Christmas Day! 

CHORUS:
Clanna nan Alba
Seinn Nollaig aimsir.
Children of Scotland
Sing of Christmas time.
Shona is dream uile.
Everyone is happy.
Cluig Nollaig bheir seinn.
Christmas bells will chime. 

VERSE # 2:
Nollaig Chridheil!
Throughout the misty islands,
Clansmen and kith
Will gather, far and near.
Nollaig Chridheil!
It's time for feasts and stories.
Even furry beasties
Love this time of year. 

VERSE # 3:
Nollaig Chridheil!
Our Christmas fire is cheering.
Outside the door,
The wintry winds are cold.
Nollaig Chridheil!
Opening our Bible,
Wee ones listen closely
While the tale is told.
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Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee 

Armed Forces Retirement Home 

1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 

Gulfport, Mississippi  39507

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CHRISTMAS DEVOTIONAL

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Here is a very special Christmas message from The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints (i.e., the "Mormon" church).

For the best effect, please be sure and enjoy reverently watching this Christmas Devotional service in "FULL SCREEN" mode.



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OOPS!

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For the best effect, please be sure and watch this hilarious Christmas automated video series and slide show in "FULL SCREEN" mode.





This is (or was?) located on Tom and Alice Blair's farm, between Easton and Saint Michaels, Maryland, near the Oak Creek Bridge on MD 33.

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HILARIOUS FAKE CHRISTMAS DECORATION!

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Originally posted at the "OUR ETERNAL STRUGGLE" web site on Wednesday 16 December 2009.

This hilariously ingenious fake Christmas decoration was erected at a residence located on the corner of State Line and West Sixty-First Streets in Kansas City, Kansas.

It had to be taken down because of all the problems caused by shocked motorists nearly wrecking their vehicles, as panicky individuals jeopardized personal safety in their haste to rescue the dummy.

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CHRISTMAS WEEK MESSHALL MENU

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KISSING THE FACE OF GOD 
by Morgan Weistling

Here is the menu for our mess hall here at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi, detailing the meals that are scheduled to be served during the week for Christmas and New Year's Eve of 2012.

For a larger view that's easier to read, please click on the menu, which is in three (03) parts.

What?

No fruitcake?

No eggnog? 

At Christmas?

Mox nix (an American G.I. expression, acquired when stationed in Germany). 

The truth is, there will be MUCH more than what is being revealed on this officially published menu. 

When they are the guests of a resident, visitors who eat in the mess hall are charged seven dollars ($7.00) per meal.

Breakfast is from 0630 Hours until 0830 Hours.

Dinner is from 1130 Hours until 1300 Hours.

Supper is from 1630 Hours until 1800 Hours.

Visitors are not allowed to enter the mess hall during the first thirty minutes of meal times, in order to better accommodate residents who are physically incapacitated.

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MOVIE CRITIQUE: "SLING BLADE"

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Originally posted at the "OUR ETERNAL STRUGGLE" web site on 24 April 2007
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Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Last night, I watched the movie, "SLING BLADE", recorded on my cable television's DVR, as it had been aired on the ENCORE Channel.

No, I don't recommend this film for children, unless both Mama and Daddy are sitting there with them and can answer questions or provide appropriate commentary.

I was going to write that I didn't recommend this film for families at all.

But then I had second thoughts, based on the experiences in my own life.

Our world has drastically changed, becoming much more perilous for youngsters, and they are daily exposed to much worse situations in the public school system (which is why I'm so opposed to parents sending their children to public school these days).

But, I like the movie "SLING BLADE".

To begin with, I was amazed at Billy Bob Thornton's acting ability.

He really must have spent a lot of hours intensely studying for this role.

I've seen him play other characters in other movies, so I truly appreciate his talented versatility.

When the credits rolled, I saw the bad guy was portrayed by Dwight Yoakam, the famed Country music singer from Bakersville, California, one of my favorite performers.

Gosh, gee whillikers, I never even recognized him!

I also enjoyed the scenes of a small Southern community, as it evoked nostalgic recollections from my own boyhood in North Carolina.

Anyway, I recognize the authenticity of this film, having personally endured some of that same hell.

Yes, when I was nineteen years old, I was released, after spending approximately four years locked up in a state mental hospital.

During that horrible time, I was subjected to electric shock treatments and experimental psychotropic drugs.

There were other things that also happened, which I will not write about at this time.

No, I didn't commit any crime.

But, my parents couldn't control me, I kept running away from home, and twice, I was kicked out of high school.

So, the juvenile court committed me to a state mental hospital.

Being a typical rambunctious teenage boy, I was too much trouble for the staff, so they locked me in a maximum security unit for the criminally insane.

My only associations (and therefore, my ONLY friends and influences) for those developing years were perverts, deviants, and criminals.

There were no provisions made for continuing my education, so high school was forfeited.

When I eventually was released, I was much like the character portrayed in the movie, "SLING BLADE".

I had no social skills and little ability to cope properly with normal daily situations.

People couldn't believe a grown man did not know how to drive a car.

But, God blessed me with miracles.

I have no other explanation.

It was miraculous that I survived the terrifying ordeal of being a long term inmate in two (02) state mental hospitals.

It was miraculous that I survived hitch-hiking completely across the continental United States of America.

I can tell you stories of that epic journey, but that's another subject for another time.

It's a miracle that I became a convert to The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints (i.e., the "Mormon" church), for that really intensified my progression from darkness into light, presenting opportunity after opportunity.

It's a miracle that I passed the General Education Development high school equivalency test.

It's a miracle that I was able to be drafted into the United States Army.

If it were not for a very unpopular and controversial war, that never would have been permitted.

It's a miracle I survived the war.

It's a miracle that I became a singer/songwriter, composing both lyrics and melody, and accompanying myself on guitar, all memorized and done "by ear", as I do not read or write music.

Something that has always stayed with me, is a lesson I learned from an incident at the state mental hospital.

I was on a ward for patients who were expected never to be released, being punished for some infraction, and I was standing stark naked, locked in a bare isolation room, shot full of Thorazine.

I was seventeen (17) years old.

I gazed forlornly out the barred window, surmising that this was the end.

I would never have a normal life.

I would never have a girlfriend, and I would never marry.

I would never get an education.

I would never drive a car or have a gun.

I would never travel anywhere.

I would never serve in the military.

I would never have any credibility (who's going to believe a crazy person, huh?)

I really had no hope of anything beyond what I was experiencing at that moment.

Well, here I am today.

From my own experience, I now know, so I can let others know, that there is always hope, no matter how bleak or unbearable the future may appear.

So long as there is life, there is hope.

Personal freedom is something we should never take for granted.

Every day, I thank Heavenly Father for my life and my freedom.

Every day, I thank Heavenly Father for all the unexpected and undeserved gifts and opportunities that He has poured out upon me during my sojourn on this Earth.

Anyway, I reckon there's a full moon out tonight, so I'd better go find my hockey mask and my chain saw - - -

Pass the popcorn, please.

Thank you.

John Robert "SAIGON" Mallernee, KB3KWS
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

NOTE: "My unpopular and controversial personal opinions are independent of my Scottish clan."

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