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Wednesday, January 09, 2013


Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Yesterday (or maybe the day before?), I was watching a movie about a woman who was kidnapped.

During her ordeal, she was able to talk with her family on the telephone, BUT - - - , alas, she could not speak freely and tell them she'd been kidnapped.

It reminded me of about a gazillion aeons ago, when I was employed as a federal police officer at an extremely remote top secret location.

It was one of those types of places where we had standing orders to shoot to kill, and just so you know how LONG ago it actually was, we still wore the old standard, police issue, Smith and Wesson .38 calibre revolvers!

But, in addition to that revolver, we patrolled in four wheel drive pickup trucks, equipped with M-16 rifles (and LOTS of ammunition!), flak vests, steel helmets, gas masks, and antidote syrettes for combatting the effects of nerve gas.

If we or our family were ever held hostage, we had a secret code word that we used in normal conversation to alert other personnel to our real situation.

It was called a "DURESS CODE", and you might want to have something like that for selected members of your family, just in case one of you should ever find yourselves in such an unfortunate situation, and unable to communicate openly.

Also in the movie, the woman escaped and broke into a box to get a fireman's axe, which was a good thing to do, BUT - - - , WHY didn't she pull the fire alarm?

Anytime you're alone and in a life threatening situation, always pull the fire alarm.

That'll bring all sorts of LOTS of big, muscular, heroic, very brave, macho guys, loaded with LOTS of fun toys, i.e., fire apparatus, police cars, ambulances, helicopters, emergency utility vehicles, mobile command centers, et cetera.

Here's a few other tips for protecting the home, based on my own personal experience and training.

The least expensive and absolute best security system you can have is a family dog.

No, not a trained, vicious guard dog, for that'll just invite a lawsuit when a neighbor's child or a postal letter carrier is bitten.

Instead, all you really want is a normal, playful, friendly, tail wagging, happy go lucky mutt that will bark or bay.

Its natural instinct will be to protect your family.

If it makes noise, then it's up to you, not the dog, to investigate and handle the situation, which is the best way to prevent lawsuits.

If there is a legitimate threat, the best weapon for defending the home is a short barreled twelve gauge pump shotgun, loaded with alternating rounds of double aught buckshot and rifled slugs.

Generally, the shotgun never even needs to be fired, for EVERY criminal recognizes the distinct sound of a pump shotgun being chambered, which, since he knows what's coming next, will terrify the living daylights out of him, and he'll literally break his own bones in his panicked attempt to flee the scene.

The shotgun is ideal for the family because precise accuracy is not required, and its operation is simple enough that any family member, regardless of sex, age, or physical disability, can easily use it effectively.

As an alternative, or as a supplement to the shotgun, you may want to consider using a civilian version of a military style semi-automatic carbine with high capacity magazines and a bayonet.

After all, depending on the situation, it's possible you may prefer to accurately pinpoint your fire precisely on a designated target, as opposed to a general widespread field of fire characteristic of shotguns.

In addition, I recommend wearing ON YOUR PERSON (!) a properly holstered pistol.

Get used to wearing it all of the time, so that it's second nature.

There is no danger of children accidentally shooting themselves if the responsible parent has the loaded gun holstered and ON THEIR PERSON.

It's your best protection against home invasion crimes and carjacking, both of which unfortunately, are a growing trend.

Home invasions happen instantaneously, with no warning, and thus, there's no opportunity to go retrieve an unloaded weapon from a closet or shelf, and then fumble around trying to get it loaded.

So, WEAR your pistol in a holster ALL of the time.

In Hollywood movies and television shows, you'll almost always see a homeowner roaming the house searching for the burglar, BUT - - - ,

That is completely WRONG, and might easily get you killed!

Force the burglar to come to you, and ambush him.

If possible, gather your family with you in your master bedroom (or wherever), placing furniture between you and the door, using your cell phone to communicate with 911, and with your shotgun aimed at the door.

Depending on the variables of each situation, you may want to advise family members located in other areas of the home to escape through windows, et cetera.

If you want to spend some money on the physical features of your home, then consider installing motion detector activated emergency floodlights and/or security cameras at the entrances and corners of your residence.

Your entire property, if you can afford to do it, should be enclosed in a chain link fence, which not only deters unwanted intruders, but also protects children and pets.

Instead of a concrete or asphalt driveway and/or sidewalk, consider using gravel, which will alert you to visitors by making a nice crunching noise.

Similarly, wooden steps and a wooden porch are better than concrete because they almost inevitably make some sort of creaking noises when people walk on them.

Put a sign on the door of your house requesting visitors to not feed or disturb your pet snakes.

That's almost a guarantee that nobody will ever even attempt to break into your home!

Thank you.

1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311
Gulfport, Mississippi  39507


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