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Thursday, May 30, 2013

"JOHNNY OPTIMISM"

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Here is the hilarious "JOHNNY OPTIMISM" comic strip, created by Stilton Jarlsberg, M.D., for today, Friday 31 May 2013 - - - ,

For a larger view that's easier to read,
please click on the comic strip.
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stranger."

The "JOHNNY OPTIMISM" comic strip, which is drawn by Stilton Jarlsberg, M.D., appears on the computer Internet each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Please be sure and visit the "JOHNNY OPTIMISM" web site in order to enjoy reading the assorted amusing comments posted by fans and/or detractors.

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A REALLY HANDY SOMETHING I JUST LEARNED

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Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Maybe a lot of you folks are already cognizant of all things technical, but for me, this was a totally NEW experience!

Here at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi, when I checked my assigned mailbox downstairs, I found a sizable refund check from the local cable television company.

Now, as you know, I'm living here in Gulfport, Mississippi, but the credit union where my checking and savings accounts are is located in Ogden, Utah.

Well, of course, I'm glad to be receiving the money, but at the same time, I'm morosely contemplating the aggravation of filling out a deposit slip, addressing an envelope, stamping the envelope, licking the envelope, going downstairs to the letter drop, and then WAITING for several days until the deposit shows up on my computer screen.

Well, guess what?

When I went to my credit union's web site, I learned I can electronically deposit my check - - - and I did!

Ain't that super neat?

It was so simple.

All I had to do was place my endorsed check in my scanner, and just follow the credit union's step by step instructions.

Using my scanner, the credit union remotely scans the check, and then the money is immediately deposited into my account.

Nifty, huh?

Wow!

Well, it's just about time for chow in our mess hall.

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee
Armed Forces Retirement Home 
1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 
Gulfport, Mississippi  39507

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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

"BALOO"

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Here is the totally hilarious "BALOO" cartoon for today, Wednesday 29 May 2013.

When I saw it, I just HAD to share it!

For a larger view, please click on the cartoon.


Ah, but in a sad way, it's really the truth, ain't it?

This makes me wonder if the average federal employee ever thinks about it, and suddenly realizes that they are now the "bad guy", who someday will be shot or lynched by their fellow citizens for committing treason against the American people, as clearly defined in our divinely inspired Constitution of the United States of America?

"Someday"?

Maybe, just MAYBE, that "someday" is already here - - - NOW?

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CRITICAL MESSAGE (CLASSIFIED)

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********* WARNING ! ! ! ********* 

This dangerously illegal and immoral subversive underground resistance message is being surreptitiously monitored by the Beaming Internet Government Broadband Radio Oscillation Telecommunications Hearing Electronic Reconnaissance (i.e., B.I.G. B.R.O.T.H.E.R.) as part of a coordinated official clandestine domestic surveillance investigation, in cooperation with the National Administration of Zealous Interrogation (i.e., N.A.Z.I.) and the Commission On Message Monitoring Investigative Electronics (i.e., C.O.M.M.I.E.).

Serious felony criminal charges are pending, with extreme penalties yet to be determined! 

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Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

This is an urgent e-mail containing a critical "TOP SECRET" classified message that is of extreme vital importance to our national security.

Due to the need for secrecy, the message is written using invisible ink.

After you have finished deciphering and reading the message, destroy it with the attached miniature explosive, but please be sure to use extra caution when detonating the miniature explosive.
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BEGIN MESSAGE: 

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END OF MESSAGE

(Miniature explosive attached to e-mail)
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Thank you. 

"SAIGON" 
Commander in Exile 
O.U.R. Army 

(i.e., the "Outlaw Underground Rebel" Army) 

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AMERICA ATTACKED BY JAPAN - - - IN 2013 ! ! !

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Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Gosh, gee whillikers, but I sure wish you could be here to see what I'm seeing!

The dawn, after having cracked, has broken, and it can't be repaired.

From the floor to ceiling windows of my quarters here at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi, as I'm looking due East towards Keesler Air Force Base, just barely peeking from over the very edge of the horizon, I see a red sun, now rising.

File:Naval Ensign of Japan.svg

I ain't no eggs spurt, but I'm pretty sure that means we're now under attack and being invaded by military forces of the Empire of Japan.

I've invented a new invention, for which I demand full credit and all the royalties.

Here then, are my step by step instructions for my brand new sinfully delicious recipe:

First of all, go to the grocery store and purchase a fresh pie.

My personal favorite is pecan or coconut cream, but I suppose any pie will do.

Eat the pie.

If you're a bachelor like me, then you must eat the entire pie.

Next, open a can of cherry pie filling, get a spoon, and put some of the cherry pie filling in the empty pie tin.

After that, take an aerosol can of whipped cream and spray a heaping mountain of whipped cream to completely cover and/or envelope the cherry pie filling.

Dip the spoon in it, and stir it up a couple or three times.

Then, proceed to EAT, preferably while watching a television show or a DVD.

Remember, I am the inventor of this wonderful bachelor television snack, and sooooo - - - ,

If you decide to eat this, then you must pay me some royalties.

Also, just like Bush's Baked Beans, the recipe for my bachelor television snack is classified as, "TOP SECRET", so whatever you do, do NOT share the details of my recipe with anyone, especially any talkative Golden Retrievers named "Duke".


Pretty nifty, huh?

Thank you. 

John Robert Mallernee 
Armed Forces Retirement Home 
1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 
Gulfport, Mississippi  39507

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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

"JOHNNY OPTIMISM"

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Here is the hilarious "JOHNNY OPTIMISM" comic strip, created by Stilton Jarlsberg, M.D., for today, Wednesday 29 May 2013 - - - ,

For a larger view that's easier to read,
please click on the comic strip.
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stranger."

The "JOHNNY OPTIMISM" comic strip, which is drawn by Stilton Jarlsberg, M.D., appears on the computer Internet each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Please be sure and visit the "JOHNNY OPTIMISM" web site in order to enjoy reading the assorted amusing comments posted by fans and/or detractors.

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SPELL IT CORRECTLY!

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Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Here at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in beautifully warm and sunny Gulfport, Mississippi, as I was leaving the mess hall and strolling past all of the television monitors in our main lobby, I happened to momentarily observe a FOX News Network broadcast reporting on the TEA Party.

As usual, they were spelling it, "Tea Party".

Folks, I ain't a member of the TEA Party, nor am I in any way associated with it.

I don't even know anyone who's affiliated with the TEA Party, because the subject never comes up during normal conversation with folks I eat chow with.

Further, although I really know very little about the TEA Party, I've kind of lost respect for them because they've allowed their organization to be successfully infiltrated and corrupted by some of those "same ol', same ol'" career members of the Republican Party, which as we know, in substance, are no different than the Democrat Party, whom they pretend to oppose.

But - - - ,

If you're going to write about the TEA Party, then spell the name correctly!

It's "TEA Party", NOT, "Tea Party"!

Reporters employed by the mainstream mass news media are probably the worst offenders of this.

The word, "TEA", is an acronym, with its initials representing the words, "Taxed Enough Already".

Therefore, as an acronym, the word, "TEA" should properly be spelled in all capital, or upper case letters.

When the word, "TEA", is spelled using lower case letters, then all anyone sees is "Tea", and the message of "Taxed Enough Already" is lost on the masses.

But, then again, maybe that's the deliberate intention of the news media, huh?

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee 
Armed Forces Retirement Home 
1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 
Gulfport, Mississippi  39507

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WHEN YOU'VE BEEN PUT ON "HOLD" - - - ,

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Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Whenever I make a telephone call to a bureaucrat or store clerk, and they make the mistake of saying,

"Can you hold on for a minute?"

or

"Can you hang on for just a second?",

Then I inevitably respond with,

"Uh, I'm trying to hang on, but my fingers are slipping, and I - - - ,

Uh oh, I'm falling!

Hel-l-l-p!

AAAAAAAAHHH - - - ! ! !"

Hardee, har har!

Yuk! Yuk! Yuk!

I've been doing that for years, and sometimes, I don't just do it over the telephone, but I'll even do it when I'm standing right in front of them!

Now, then - - - ,

Now that you've received adequate instruction, YOU go and doest thou likewise, okay?

Heh! Heh! Heh!

Thank you. 

John Robert Mallernee 
Armed Forces Retirement Home 
1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 
Gulfport, Mississippi  39507

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Monday, May 27, 2013

ZAHAL NETZAH YEHUDA

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File:Emblem of Israel.svg 

A couple of hours ago, while casually perusing the news at the DRUDGE REPORT web site, I learned that Zahal, the Israel Defense Force, now has a special unit for orthodox Jews, the Netzah Yehuda Battalion of the Kfir Brigade, with their own special operations unit, Nahal Haredi.

For the best effect, please be sure and enjoy watching, in "FULL SCREEN" mode, the slide shows and the series of video recordings that I've provided in this message. 
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Please note that upon graduation from their Basic Combat Training, each of the new Israeli soldiers is issued two (02) sacred and very special items - - - , an assault rifle and a Bible.

Oh, if ONLY we would do the same thing in our own United States Army!

Yes, upon successful completion of their Basic Combat Training, just as they do in the modern State of Israel today, each and every one of our new soldiers in our United States Army should be issued a Holy Bible and an assault rifle - - - , with the issued assault rifle to remain in his personal possession and carried with him, fully loaded, at all times and in all places.

If a common, ordinary soldier can not be trusted with that responsibility, then he shouldn't be in the United States Army.

Why is someone who can't be trusted permitted to enlist?

As it now stands, in the eyes of our Almighty God, we Americans, as a people and as a nation, surely are condemned by our own hand, because of contemporary social acceptance and enthusiastic promotion of abortion, infanticide, homosexuality, paedophilia, euthanasia, adultery, and outright rejection of the Bible and of Jesus, who is the Christ.

As a veteran who served in the old Republic of Viet Nam with the 101st Airborne Division "Screaming Eagles", I'm very pleased to point out that Israel ALSO has a "101st Airborne" unit!

They are the 101st Airborne Battalion "Cobras".

Nifty, huh?

In August of 1971, while serving with the 101st Airborne Division "Screaming Eagles" in the old Republic of Viet Nam, I was given a thirty (30) day special leave to tour the land of Israel, one of the most inspiring events of my life.
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Based on my own personal experience, if you ever get an opportunity to visit the land of Israel, then please DO go there and see for yourself how wonderful it really is.

Truly, the modern day land of Israel actually is a combination of the Bible - - - ,

And Hollywood!

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MEMORIAL DAY MESSAGE

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Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

Please click on THIS LINK to read the Memorial Day Message from the Honorable Steven M. Palazzo, the Republican from the Fourth Congressional District of Mississippi in the United States House of Representatives. 

Before I really get started with expressing my own personal thoughts and/or feelings, I want to make a very necessary correction to a common misconception and grievous error repeatedly perpetuated within Congressman Palazzo's Memorial Day Message.

In the year of our Lord, Eighteen Hundred and Sixty-One (1861), there was NO "rebellion", "treason", and/or so-called "Civil War".

By definition, a civil war happens when opposing forces within the same country are fighting for control of the same government.

The war for independence being fought on the American continent in Eighteen Hundred and Sixty-One (1861) was between two (02) separate and distinct sovereign nations, i.e., the United States of America and the Confederate States of America, with each of those two (02) nations having its own government, its own economy, and fielding its own army.

In virtually every facet, that exact scenario was identical to the War for Independence waged by the American colonists against England in Seventeen Hundred and Seventy-Six (1776).

Now, on to what I think - - - ,

Are all of you folks enjoying the celebration of your federally mandated holiday TODAY, Monday 27 May 2013?

Oh, WHEN, oh WHEN are folks finally going to realize there is a HUGE difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day?

Memorial Day and Veterans Day are NOT synonymous!

"REFLECTIONS", painted by LEE TETER
To begin with, I choose to ignore the federally mandated Monday holiday, and instead, insist on observing the traditional Memorial Day, which will be on Thursday 30 May 2013, my sister, Suzy's birthday. 

Memorial Day, originally known as Decoration Day, should be solemnly observed, NOT "celebrated", for it is a day for remembering and honoring our nation's military dead, a custom which actually began in Georgia when a Union Army general, John A. Logan, of Murphysboro, Illinois, observed widows and mothers caring for the graves of Confederate soldiers.

Parades, bands, fireworks, and festivities are inappropriate on Memorial Day.

Note, also, that Memorial Day is specifically designated for honoring our MILITARY dead.

Folks have three hundred and sixty-four (364) other days when they can put flowers on their Great Aunt Bertha's grave.

On the other hand, Veterans Day, originally known as Armistice Day, a traditional national holiday which commemorates the Armistice of the First World War, IS an appropriate occasion for celebrations and festivities, as we rejoice and honor all military veterans, living or dead.

In acknowledgement of that historic moment in Nineteen Hundred and Eighteen (1918), all scheduled Veterans Day activities traditionally begin at precisely the Eleventh Hour on the Eleventh Day of the Eleventh Month.

Them there's MY thoughts on the subject.

Now, what are YOUR thoughts?

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee 
Armed Forces Retirement Home 
1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 
Gulfport, Mississippi  39507

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"DEAR AMERICA: LETTERS HOME FROM VIET NAM"

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For the best effect, I encourage you to watch this MSNBC televised news report, "GI'S LETTERS GIVE GLIMPSE OF BLOODY VIET NAM WAR", and the automated video series, "DEAR AMERICA: LETTERS HOME FROM VIET NAM", in "FULL SCREEN" mode.



The videos of "DEAR AMERICA: LETTERS HOME FROM VIET NAM", were posted at the YOU TUBE web site by the USS EATON DD-510 channel on Sunday 14 August 2011. 

At the conclusion of that same automated video series, I've included a few homemade amateur recordings of ME (!) strumming my guitar while singing appropriate songs, one of which is my own original composition (although I actually do hate it!).




For the best effect, please watch this slide show of photographs taken of MY war in "FULL SCREEN" mode!



"There I was - - - ,"

As we began our very first day of in-country training at Camp Evans in the old Republic of Viet Nam, that was how our sergeant taught us ALL war stories are supposed to begin.

Yuk! Yuk!

Hardee, har har!


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Sunday, May 26, 2013

MY FAVORITE CROSSWORD PUZZLE

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All week long, I wait eagerly for Sunday to arrive, so I can solve the "POST PUZZLER" crossword puzzle in the "WASHINGTON POST" newspaper, for of all the crossword puzzles, it seems to be the most challenging.

Unfortunately, the puzzle for today, Sunday 26 May 2013, was fairly easy, for I solved it far too quickly.

For a larger, easier to read view, please click on the screen shots.




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Saturday, May 25, 2013

WHY? WHY? WHY?

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Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

As I'm composing this e-mail, I've taken my prescribed medication, which is starting to take effect, so I'm a little bit dopey. 

DOMINO'S just now delivered my large pepperoni and sliced Italian sausage pizza, with a side order of chocolate lava cakes for dessert, and two (02) large bottles of BARQ'S root beer.

Since I'm one of their regular customers, they gave me a secret code that will allow me to get a thirty percent (30%) discount on future orders from DOMINO'S.

Ain't that neat?

I started to watch the movie, "HEAT", on the ENCORE SUSPENSE channel of SENIOR TV, but the screen resolution is not as good as it would be if I were watching it in High Definition, so I placed an order at the AMAZON web site for the DVD, which is scheduled to arrive on Friday 31 May 2013.

I've never seen the three (03) hour long 1995 movie, "HEAT", but it looks like a real winner, so I'm looking forward to adding it to my DVD library, and enjoying it at my leisure.

While I enjoy my pizza and root beer, I reckon I'll switch over to the USA NETWORK High Definition channel and watch a marathon of back to back episodes of "LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT".

Another of my favorite television shows is "CRIMINAL MINDS", and among my favorite movies, is "THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS", along with its associated sequels, which is why I'm writing this e-mail.


It was a scene from one of those movies or television programs, where a police officer or attorney is visiting a prison inmate, and you see them facing each other on opposite sides of the bars, which initially aroused my curiosity.

What is it that causes men to choose different paths in life?

Why does one man choose to do evil, while another man, both of them with the same environment, background, and influences, choose to do good?

I'm fascinated by this psychological enigma.

Why does a man choose to be a murderer?

Oh, I don't mean just by accidental circumstances causing unintended consequences.

No, I'm referring to cold blooded, carefully plotted, intentional, premeditated murder in the first degree.

Or, after having killed one person, the malefactor deliberately decides to kill again - - - ,

And again - - - , and again - - - , ad infinitum.

It can't be a mere question of having been influenced by an environment and/or history of being subjected to abuse, deprivation, and/or degradation, for other men with that same set of circumstances are able to overcome and/or ignore the satanic enticings, and manage to live worthwhile, positive lives, contributing good to society, rather than evil.

So, why does someone become a murderer and/or a sexual predator?

I've worked in a state prison, and I've been a police officer, firefighter, medic, and went to war when I was a soldier in the United States Army.

Yet, my own personal life was filled with traumatic experiences almost from the day I was born, for as an eighteen (18) month old baby, when my siblings and I were abandoned by our biological parents, I was discovered by child welfare investigators to be eating from the toilet.

I'm very grateful to my parents for adopting me, giving me their name and heritage, and attempting to raise me in a normal Christian family.

In that previous sentence, I used the word, "attempted", because my teenage years, due to the extremities of my conduct during repetitious displays of ungovernable adolescent rebellion, ultimately resulted in my lengthy confinement in a maximum security facility for the criminally insane.

In that awful horror, I endured repeated electric shock treatments (the old fashioned way - - - , not the way it's done now), was given experimental psychotropic drugs, and was frequently victimized by my fellow inmates, who, being my only associates, companions, and/or "friends", influenced me with their deviance and perversion.

One of my most vivid memories of those hellish years of terror was, when I was seventeen (17) years old, I was housed in one of the wards specifically designated for patients doomed to NEVER be released, and being punished for some minor disciplinary infraction, locked up in a cold, bare isolation room, completely naked, and injected with a powerful psychotropic drug.

Forlornly, I realized I was at the end of the line, completely without hope, knowing that I would never finish high school, never go to college, never serve in the Armed Forces, never drive a car, never fire a gun, never have a girlfriend, never get married, and never experience sexual intercourse with a female (which, after all, IS the greatest ambition for typical adolescent males, and foremost in every second of our conscious thinking).

So, just imagine what I looked and acted like when, years later, I was released back into society as a fully grown adult male, with no education or vocational preparation?

I was truly blessed.

I did not become a serial murderer and/or a sexual predator.

Penniless, I hitch-hiked all over the continental United States of America, subsisting as a common manual laborer, often hungry and/or homeless.

However, VERY significant personal events developed.

At the age of twenty-one (21), I was baptized as a convert in The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints (i.e., the so-called "Mormon" church).

Some of the young men in the Church literally took me physically by the hand and taught me to walk like a normal human being, and speak in a normal tone of voice. 

AND - - - ,

Miracle of miraculous miracles, I even had - - - ,

That seemingly unattainable dream of EACH and EVERY healthy, red-blooded, all-American, physically mature male - - - ,

A genuine feminine, female GIRLFRIEND who was a bonafide member of the opposite sex!

Gosh, gee whillikers, ain't that SOMETHING? 

WOW! 

After a few months, I took, and passed, the General Educational Development (i.e., "G.E.D.") High School Equivalency test.

At that same time, America's war in the old Republic of Viet Nam was very unpopular and controversial, with multitudes of young American males refusing to serve, burning their draft cards, going to prison, seeking sanctuary in Canada, or as military deserters, avoiding military justice by hiding out in Sweden.

On the other hand, painfully aware of the handicap of my own record of being institutionalized as a mental patient, I knew I had but one very slim chance at turning my life around and having a worthwhile future.

Thus, I wrote a letter to the President of the United States of America, who at that time was Lyndon Baines Johnson, explaining my situation, while simultaneously reminding him of the aversion and/or resistance to military service that my peers were engaged in, and requesting that my Draft Board classification be changed, so that I would be eligible for military service.

That's how I was able to enter the United States Army, enabling me to take college courses in my spare time, experience a variety of assignments, and travel to several foreign countries, including an inspiring tour of the land of Israel, seeing where Jesus, the Christ, and His apostles, walked during His mortal ministry.

But, back to the subject of this message - - - , 

WHY???

Can anyone explain this mystery?

Why are there good guys and bad guys?

What makes us different from each other?

Why do we choose different paths in our lives?

It really is a puzzlement, ain't it?

I remember when I was a boy, of being told of a time that John Wesley, upon observing a derelict drunken man, lying in his filth, ragged, and sick, said, "There, but for the Grace of God, go I."

(Actually, it was John Bradford who said that, not John Wesley, and it wasn't about a drunken man, but in reference to seeing a criminal condemned to death.)

Actually, that invites another question, of what are the final thoughts of a condemned felon, as he is about to be executed?

How overwhelmingly depressing it must feel, to have lived such a useless life, and to be so ignobly vacating mortality, and indeed, with such SHAME!

Oh, how divided we are, in acceptance or rejection, by the motivation of our morality!

So, what are your own thoughts on this subject?

I reckon I really am blessed, don't you?

And, oh, how blessed we ALL are, each and everyone of us, for no matter how wicked, deviant, or perverted we or our fellow man may be, never the less, as long as we still have the breath of life within us, there will always be opportunities for repentance, reclamation, redemption, restitution, atonement, and forgiveness.

With even a miniscule glimmer of hope, we CAN climb out of the gutter.

I sure hope that, in whatever time I might have left to me in this frail mortality, I don't cause any of my kin undue embarrassment and shame by choosing the path of wickedness and dishonor.

Finally, to quote the Charles Dickens character, Tiny Tim - - - ,

"God bless us, every one!"

Thank you.

John Robert Mallernee 
Armed Forces Retirement Home 
1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311 
Gulfport, Mississippi  39507

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